All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
