I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My vagina just recognized that song.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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