They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
