His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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