talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
