Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
