i need an iv and a liver transplant
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
