Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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