1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
