This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
