Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
