my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm just crazy horny about you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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