its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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