so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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