We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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