I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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