I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have already put on my inside pants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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