Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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