When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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