His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
