My first STD was from a foam party
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
