I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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