OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
