franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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