i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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