I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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