please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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