Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
