The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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