if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Boobs speak an international language.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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