Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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