Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
