My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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