My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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