So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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