I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
