I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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