we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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