I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
