I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
