arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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