it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
