I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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