i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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