i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
