She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
