What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
