i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
