Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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