Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
