Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
