We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
