He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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