No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
