just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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