I am puke
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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