The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
