I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
