Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
