its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
