just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
These tits shall not be calmed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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