you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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