Michael Bay diarrhea
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
