she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
