3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
