I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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