I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
