Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
