Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
