Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We got so high we made milksteak
I checked into jail on foursquare
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
