you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
