saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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