I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
