We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize