Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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