He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
