i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They have beer where we have blood.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
