he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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