I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
