Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I checked into jail on foursquare
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need moral support for this bender
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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