Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
