How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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