wakey wakey hands off snakey
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
