Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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