sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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