there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
