i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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