you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I die, sorry about rent.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
